Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Tourist

In the month that I've been here, I think I've developed a pretty decent sense of New York. While I don't claim to be a New Yorker, I believe I have mastered the art of blending in (in most cases).

So, I've compiled a list of things that separate the obvious tourists from the rest of the city, in hopes that if and when you visit Manhattan, you will be spared the embarassment of tourist blunders.
Granted, everyone in NYC knows that tourists are here every day, and they appreciate the economic revenue tourism generates. It's fine to look like a tourist - unavoidable in many cases, but it is appreciated if you at least attempt not to stick out like a sore thumb.

So, here are the Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Tourist from the eyes of a temporary resident. In no particular order :

10. Wear a cute outfit with bulky tennis shoes
New York women wear heels or sandals. They suffer through blisters, callouses, and dirt to look presentable at all times. Eventually you build up an endurance strong enough to ignore all foot pain. You can tell someone is a tourist even if they are making an effort to blend in by the shoes they are wearing. Heavy duty New Balance running shoes with ankle socks paired with shorts and a decent top of some kind are a dead give-away that you don't belong in the city. THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE: occasionally you will see a business woman in sleek, light-weight tennies on the subway. She's probably been in heels all day long and was smart enough to pack comfy shoes for her commute. SO, tennis shoes are fine if they are not clunky and awkward looking.

9. Pull out a subway map ON the subway.
I don't claim to know every stop of every train, or even the best way to get to a given neighborhood, BUT I've learned to check the subway map BEFORE I leave the privacy of my own apartment. A New Yorker always appears to know where he or she is going. If you pull out a map en-route, you are a tourist. Dead give away. Plan your trip ahead of time, or invest in Google Maps on your phone - New Yorkers are always looking at their phones, so it will be much less conspicuous.

8. Walk together as a family unit- especially with teenagers.
I love seeing families exploring Midtown together. There is nothing wrong with it, unless you're worried about looking like a tourist - which you shouldn't be, because if you're walking with your family, you probably ARE a tourist. There are plenty of families in Manhattan. In fact, I had no idea there would be this many children in the city. There are tons, especially on the Upper East Side. However, you often see small children walking with their mother (or being pushed in a stroller - side note: I hate strollers on the subway), or some elementary schoolers heading home with Dad. It is a rare occasion to see Mom, Dad, and children out on the streets together because in the evenings, when one or both finally get off work and make it home to see the family, it is dinnertime, or just time to be at home enjoying each other's company. As far as I can tell teens in New York are too independent to be seen with their family. They have their own jobs, their own schools, their own friends, and their own lives.

7. Look up
This is my touristy pitfall. New Yorkers have their ipod shoved into their ears, cell phone in hand, a focused stride, and eyes turned down towards the pavement. They are simply trying to get where they are going. If you are looking up at the architecture, taking in the scenery, you are probably a tourist. I'm still a tourist in this sense. The different buildings still fascinate me. I love the jagged angles the skyscapers cut into the sky. I love the ornate carvings or brickwork on some of the older buildings. I love the cathedral-esque churches that explode out of nowhere and don't quite seem to fit in the line up of buildings. I love the creative advertisements on busses, billboards, and even buildings that give everything color. This makes me look like a tourist, and I've accepted it.

6. Meander
New York is a quick paced city. If you are walking slowly, enjoying the day, you are a tourist. And you are probably in somebody's way. Period.

5. Spend more than 10 minutes in Times Square at any given time.
I didn't think it could happen. I swore it wouldn't. It's happened. I dread going to Times Square. I wish Broadway shows were located somewhere, ANYWHERE else. I cringe when I get off the subway and try to squeeze through the fanny packs and cameras carried by people who have no idea where they are going and what they are doing. And I admit, I was one of those people for a very long time. Some tourists never get past Times Square, which is rather sad, because there is so much more city to be seen. New Yorkers try to avoid TS as much as possible. SO, if you're caught in Times Square, you are (more often than not) a tourist.

4. Carry a camera in plain sight
As sad as it is, only tourists take pictures. This is another touristy habit I can't seem to kick. New Yorkers have gotten used to the sights that surround them. They have mental images stored up, and they probably have pictures from when they first moved in. Honestly, pictures don't do the city justice, and stopping to take a picture in the middle of the sidewalk is inconvenient for everyone around you. Granted, it is perfectly acceptable for New Yorkers to take pictures with their friends as any normal Facebooker would. That's different though.

5. Ask celebrities for autographs or pictures
In New York, a celebrity is just another person living life. They are to be treated as such. As hard as it is, you should never approach a celebrity if you want to look like a New Yorker. Just inconspicuously observe from afar and Tweet about it later. If you scream and run up to a celebrity, or whip out your camera to flash a quick picture, you are a tourist.

4. Wear an I <3 NY shirt
Really that goes for any New York apparel other than a Yankees ballcap or a Mets shirt on gameday. The only time you will see a New Yorker with that kind of kitchy trinket is when there is a sudden downpour and they are forced to buy the cheapest and closest umbrella available. At that time, they do not carry said umbrella with pride, but rather attempt to sink into oblivion from embarassment of looking like a tourist. Feel free to purchase these souvenirs, but save them for when you get home.

3. Only walk when the crosswalk flashes green
Only tourists really pay attention to those things. While they are definitely a good guideline for safe travel, if you are stopped at a red hand and there is absolutely no traffic anywhere in sight, you look like SUCH a tourist. Don't try to cross in front of a taxi barrelling down the one-way street to avoid stopping at the red hand, though. That would be dumb. Simply note that if the path is clear, people will cross, and if you wait for the green/white man to signal you to walk, you will probably have been left in the dust of the non-tourists.

4. Stop
If you have to stop for ANY reason, move to the side, as close as you can get to a building. If you stop on the sidewalk, someone WILL bump into you, or curse the day you were born because you got in their way. Treat the sidewalk like a highway. If you get lost or run out of gas, pull over. It's easy. The picture you want to take, or phone call you need to make will be exactly the same 3 feet to your right, and everyone will appreciate your courtesy.

3. Smile at everyone
I'm a smile-er. I like to be happy. I have learned though, that smiling at everyone is creepy. It's perfectly acceptable to smile at someone if you have both witnessed a funny subway event, or if they hold the door open for you, but if you're sitting across from somone on the bus, don't try to make eye-contact and smile. It's just weird. New Yorkers are known for being in their own little world. Accept it and move on. You can smile all you want when you're at work or with your friends.

2. Wear a fanny pack or a backpack
Backpacks are great if you're going to class or taking your laundry to the laundromat. Backpacks are not great for shopping. It is very annoying to be in line behind someone who has to take off her backpack, dig for her wallet, find it, zip up the backpack and swing it back onto her back, pay, get the receipt and do everything again in reverse order. It takes forever, and she looks like a tourist. A large purse is should be more than enough space for your daily needs. Also, you also don't have to clutch your purse to your ribs. Fewer people steal than you might think. Just be aware. Fanny packs should be an obvious no-no. Duh.

1. Know the name of the place you want to see, but not the cross-street
Manhattan can be confusing if you don't know your way around, or you get turned around easily. However, it's pretty manageable once you figure out the grid. Generally, most of the horizontal streets are numbered 1-150+. The vertical avenues are 1-12th with the occasional named street thrown in (Broadway, Lexington, etc). The internet is a brilliant resource for you to use. If you know what you want to see, look up the cross-streets before you head out. A New Yorker is much more likely to point you in the direction of "Crumbs on 52rd and Madison" than "The Crumbs bake shop." It's totally ok to get turned around. People do it all the time, but if you do your research, you'll fit right in. The exception to this rule is downtown, off the grid. It's confusing down there, so if you ask for directions multiple times, don't be embarassed.

Hope you find this amusing and maybe a little helpful.

Grace be with you,
Lindsey Shea