The REAL Villains of Gotham City

My sincere apologies to those who have been anxiously awaiting my updates (AKA, Mom). I've been busy fighting crime of all shapes and styles...
To celebrate the coming of the new Batman movie (because I see billboards and posters of The Dark Knight Rises EVERYWHERE), I have decided to devote this blog to the REAL Villains of Gotham City... (Because, as you know, I now live in Gotham City!) The following are villains that I have been fighting myself as the non-caped crusader... Some of these may be a stretch, but just go with it, and enjoy. (some of them even have pictures)

CAT WOMAN:

Catwoman was drawn on the wall of our kitchen to keep the mice away... She has proven to be a total failure... That's why she's considered a villain. In fact, she may be attracting the mice. For a while, I thought that one of my roommates was moving around in the kitchen, but when I looked, nobody was there. I was later informed that when the mice jump in and out of the garbage can, they can make a lot of noise... Who knew? I've seen these furry little critters scampering quickly down the hallway or behind the stove a few times when I turn a light on in the evening. It's a little terrifying. Not even gonna lie.

KILLER MOTH:
I didn't actually know Killer Moth was a Gotham City villain... I had to look it up... But he is... and it's fitting. We don't have air conditioning in the apartment, as I may have previously mentioned, so we keep windows open to try to circulate some air in the hot summertime. A few of the screens on the windows have holes or openings, and bugs seem to like this apartment as much as we do... My mosquito net has kept me from swallowing many a winged creature in the dark of the night. Gross, I know, but that's life. ;)

THE ORGANIZED CRIME SYNDICATES:
I think I passed a gang fight on the way home from the grocery store last week. There were about twenty guys on the street corner yelling at each other and pushing back and forth. Caring for my safety, I crossed on the other side of the street, and I quickly passed unnoticed, hurrying home. I was the only one who seemed to want to avoid that situation though. The ENTIRE block was watching. There were curious heads poking out of EVERY SINGLE WINDOW lining the street. I mean 7 story buildings had torsos protruding from each opening, trying to get a better look. It was HYSTERICAL... All to watch a bunch of boys circle each other like the Sharks and the Jets. (West Side Story reference, for you comic book folk who don't appreciate Musical Theatre)

MR FREEZE:

5 People sharing one fridge is difficult. 5 people sharing one fridge that breaks down is worse. 5 people sharing one fridge that breaks down, then works TOO well once it gets fixed is just ridiculous.

I grew up in a family of 4. We kept enough food in the refrigerator to feed the four of us over and over again. It doesn't seem like adding one more person to the mix should matter so much. BUT IT DOES... especially when you don't share food like a family does. We each are responsible for providing our own food, which is fair, but then you get a refrigerator packed with 5 versions of the SAME THING! For example, please note the three egg cartons stacked together in the upper left corner on the top shelf. It's a little crazy. When our refrigerator stopped working and things started to go bad, everyone freaked out trying to figure out what was mine and yours and hers, then what was GROSS, what was not exactly fresh but still usable, and what was fine to keep for a while longer. It was insane. Then the repair man came, and the refrigerator was cool... too cool. It froze everything... including the milk... I haven't had icy milk since elementary school, and I DON'T miss it. BUT we defeated that villain, and all is well.

THE PENGUIN

EVERYONE is a villain when it starts to rain... It's can get tricky trying to navigate through millions of people walking up and down narrow streets, but with a little practice, it becomes second nature... That is, until you add umbrellas. I now understand why The Penguin used an umbrella as weapon of choice. It's lethal. Adding the extra four feet of space an umbrella requires to a crowd of people each holding their own expands the traffic immensely. Getting poked in the eye is inevitable, and the chances of getting wet from someone's umbrella run-off are higher than getting dripped on by the actual clouds.

SEWER KING

5 people sharing a fridge is bad. 5 people sharing a bathroom is even worse... Again, Sewer King is a villain I didn't know existed, but it works... Most of the time, our bathroom schedules work out fine because everyone has to go in to work at different times, but on those mornings when we all have to be at the office at 10, it gets pretty vicious. ALSO, because this city sits on an island, and because there are like a bazillion people crammed on to such a tiny land mass, occasionally it can smell like sewage... especially near the river... it's pretty gnarly, but no worse than New Orleans...

Also, a few weeks ago, a pipe exploded in the apartment 2 floors above us and all of their dirty pipe water flooded down through the walls into our apartment. When we heard the sound of rain coming from the front hallway, one of my roommates and I started running around grabbing pots, pans, and tupperware, trying to catch the water before it ruined anything. To fix it, the super had to shut our water off for two days. It warped some of the door frames, so it's still difficult to close the bathroom door... but at least it closes. At first, I had to bring a shoe with me to the shower to wedge under the door to keep it from creaking open. That was an interesting experience, to say the least.

POISON IVY

So this one is a bit of a stretch, but my Poison Ivy here is mold. It's a really old building, and it's just a little moldy, and there's not much we can do about it... Tutwiler was moldy, too...

THE RIDDLER

Riddle Me This - how do you get across a street that has been shut down by a parade? Ok so maybe it's not a riddle, but it's a question I ask myself almost every Sunday on the way to church. Summer is the time for parades. Parades are the way New Yorkers show their pride. New Yorkers take pride in just about everything: nationality, sexuality, personality, YOU NAME IT! If there's a common interest uniting a large enough group of people, there's a parade for it. Don't get me wrong, I love parades, but man are they hard to get around...

I hope this doesn't seem whiney or complaining. This is not me crying over the hardships I've encountered, but celebrating the villains I've defeated (with help of course) to make my own little chunk of Gotham City a safer, happier place. So, that being said, tune in next time. 

Same Bat Time... Same Bat Channel...

Grace be with you,

Lindsey Shea